Episode 41: Freelancing While Being a Father (My Top 7 Lessons)
This post is in celebration of Father’s everywhere. I want to share some of the top lessons I’ve learned freelancing at home as a dad.
Father’s day - the holiday - is coming up, but every day is Father’s day. And I want to take the time to first thank my own Dad.
No parent is perfect but the overall impression left in my mind and heart regarding my dad is that he loved us and wanted his children in his life. He wanted to be a dad despite the challenges. He wanted to spend time with us.
He worked hard to provide a good life for us. He was passionate about being a dad. And he paved the way for me to be able to give even more time to my kids. He grew up with a father that also did his best, but he was gone a lot. Because of that, my dad wanted to have work that allowed him to at least be home in the evenings and weekends and he stuck to that and I’m grateful for it.
And now I’ve been able to take it a step further by freelancing at home so I’m here every day.
I’m not available every hour of the day but I’ve been able to figure out how to support my family working 20-25 hours per week and I can be an active part of my kid’s daily lives.
My father taught me work ethic but also empathy. He was very good at allowing me to show emotion as a child, which was not typical for dad’s in the 90’s. It’s something that started to be talked about culturally, but in my generation it’s more prevalent to have dads that are okay with their children showing emotion and being able to just be present with them in that, and allowing the child to process it. My dad taught me that it’s okay to cry. But he also taught me how to be a man. So thank you dad, for unapologetically being a dad, and owning that role.
I want to thank the dads out there that are committed to raising their children but don’t have a spouse to help. Freelancing is definitely for you.
And I want to thank all the men who have stepped into fatherly roles when the biological father abandoned post or died. Every child needs a father and a mother.
Working at home has allowed me to gain enormous respect for the moms that take on the full burden of childcare during the day. It’s not easy and children know how to find all your triggers and push all the buttons. And you can either see it as an opportunity to transform who you are, or you can choose to be defeated when you see your ugly come out.
Nobody has a greater impact on the state of this world and the future of humanity than parents. They are literally raising the people that will lead countries, start businesses, and build the future.
So today, I’m sharing some things I’ve learned being a freelancing father in the last few years.
Lesson 1: There will always be more steps than you think to get to your goal, and then more steps within those.
Learn to love the process.
You’re going to get interrupted more often than you want because you’re at home, but if you’re organized, and you're patient with the process it’ll be okay.
You’ll go into it thinking, “okay once I do these 3 things, I’ll get my first client” but then those 3 things turn into 30 things before you actually get your first client. You’ve got to stick with it anyways because that’s life. Be okay with that discovery of new steps along the way.
And when I talk about being patient, it’s not about waiting 5 years before finding your first client even though you’re putting 20 hours per week into your business. With freelancing you can raise your income much faster than being an employee, so in reality employees have a lot more patience than I do.
I don’t have time to get a 3% raise per year for a decade while inflation is triple that. BUT you must be patient with the growth that you have to experience in order to start getting money. Everyone’s timeline is different because it depends on how quickly they develop certain skills and whether they’re doing steps in the right order.
Lesson 2: The more effort you put into becoming a better parent, the more success you’ll have in your freelance business.
Your children are your greatest teachers.
Parenting becomes easier the better you are at communication and sales techniques, and your children’s behavior becomes more tolerable when you’re showing respect for them and you know how to get on their level and really communicate. The same skill is used when convincing clients to work with you: being able to really listen to what they want, rather than talking over them.
Also when you let them, children transform you into a better version of yourself. You become more patient, more understanding, and all of this affects how you deal with people in your business.
If you can convince your child to brush his teeth, you can get a client to hire you.
It comes not through coercion but through education. We’ve educated our children on why we do certain things like brushing our teeth, and we were patient during the time when they didn’t understand yet, but now our 5 year old reminds us if we forget that he needs to brush his teeth.
If you educate your potential clients on why they should work with you or why they need help with something rather than through manipulation or coercion, then you’re using persuasion. That’s the best approach to parenting and that same approach will land you the best clients.
Lesson 3: Money doesn’t help your family feel more secure, you being home does.
Your wife knowing that she has help if needed helps her feel more secure.
Your children knowing that they have 2 parents they can go to helps them feel more secure. If there’s an emergency Dad is already there. If Mom is having an off day, Dad is there to help with the kids more. And it allows you to create deeper relationships with your kids.
Lesson 4: Listen to your wife’s advice regarding your business even if she knows nothing about your industry.
Some of the best decisions I’ve made were a result of my wife’s coaching.
She has a right to get inspired when it comes to bringing in income to the home even if she isn’t doing anything directly for your business. Make it a partnership, and you’ll benefit from 2 perspectives, 2 minds working on problems and ideas, and 2 times the support than if you try to go it alone.
Lesson 5: You can’t put your business in order until your home is in order. Seriously.
Your routines and systems matter.
The more organized your stuff is in your house, and also your routines and systems for home management and life management, the more success you’ll have in your business, especially since you’re surrounded by that house as you’re working.
If you need to stop working for an hour to clean up the clutter and vacuum the house, then do it. This also goes for your office space. Make sure it’s orderly and neat and you’ll feel more confident. You’ll literally have an easier time getting clients, because you’ll take yourself more seriously and so will they.
Lesson 6: Any money you earn is equally your wife’s money.
The role she plays in helping to manage your family and home has a big impact on your business, so she might as well be getting a paycheck in her name.
I don’t care if she doesn’t spend an ounce of time working in your business. Your home and your business life are the same, they share the same roof and even if you’re in an employee job, your paycheck is equally your wife’s, so you both should decide how to manage and spend that money together.
When I started freelancing, I was working in a bubble, and managing our money without really informing my wife of where we’re at and what we can spend each week. Because of that we ended up $30k in credit card debt and totally broke. You have to have that second accountability partner, and share the decisions about how you’ll manage your money. “My money, her money” will lead to divorce the majority of the time.
My wife gets a paycheck in her name from the business because legally, she’s the vice president and she has 40% ownership in my company. I have 40% and then our trust has 20%.
So according to the IRS, she gets paid a decent salary every year. Even though she isn’t working with my clients, she is taking the lead on managing the side of our business that is most important: Our Home.
I help a lot with that but she still takes on more because she’s not working with my clients or doing any business admin tasks. But she is my go to business coach, and her coaching advice alone is worth what she gets paid.
Final lesson…
Lesson 7: I’m more passionate about being able to be at home with my wife and kids more and providing them and us a better life than I am about what I’m actually doing for work.
If I have to focus on one service for a while like video editing even though it’s not my top passion, then that’s what I do.
I realized that 2 years into freelancing. I kept trying to make certain services work that I was more passionate about, but I already had skills in video editing that I could easily start selling.
It just dawned on me one early morning, that my biggest passion was not teaching and filmmaking, it was my family, and providing them a life where dad gets to work at home part-time. So I decided that I didn’t care what I was doing as long as I could keep working at home part-time and earning a good income.
And I’ve been able to gradually move into doing more and more of what I’m passionate about, which is writing, teaching, making videos teaching things, and creating content. That’s my main passion, not video editing, and not even doing direct client work. That’s why I’ve started to build a team and hire people to do those things so I can focus on content creation.
So that’s it! Seven lessons that I’ve learned about how to build a part time freelance career while being a full time dad, and still earning an income that supports my family and my career goals. If you’re interested in becoming a freelance dad, keep learning, growing, and practicing your skills. I’ve got lots of resources to help you in that journey.
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