Episode 36: What Dads Fear Most About Quitting Their Job
There are many Dads currently wondering whether they should quit their job. Over 4 million people quit their job last month and that number has been increasing every month for the last year.
People are done. And it’s not just single college grads in their 20’s quitting their job, it’s also providers and parents who have a family to take care of who are leaving a “stable” job to venture into the unknown.
I did another post going into why so many people have been quitting their jobs called “The Great Resignation”, but in this post, we’ll focus on the specifics of what Dads fear most when they are considering quitting.
We’ll also dig into how to overcome those fears so you can create the freedom and the lifestyle that you want for your family.
The number one fear of quitting is that you don’t know what you’re going to do next to earn money.
You don’t have another job lined up or another career. It’s a fear that makes perfect sense, because the more unknown something is, the more anxiety there tends to be.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You can have your next career lined up before you quit. And I’m not talking about your next employee job, I’m talking about a freelance business.
Raising a family puts a lot of financial pressure on dads when they are the only one earning income for the family. Many families have moved away from a single income household because they couldn’t afford to live unless both parents were working.
I always wanted to earn money, but when I became a father for the first time in 2016, my desire for stable work grew substantially.
I had to figure out how to succeed at my career for family’s sake, but soon I realized I could not sacrifice time with my family to get that career success.
I was determined to figure out how to earn enough money to provide for them so my wife didn’t have to work. I was also determined that I would do it without working more than 40 hours per week so that I could have time to spend with my family.
I set a limit of 30 hours per week from the get-go, and I started freelancing the same month my first son was born. That might not be the best way to start, but I was thrown into it because my employee job was downsizing, and I was let go.
And even though I struggled a lot for the first year, I figured it out. I’ve been earning well over 100k to support my family without my wife having to work.
She doesn’t want to work while we have young kids and never wants to have to get a job just to earn money. She wants to pursue projects she’s passionate about, and I’m happy that I can support her in that through freelancing.
As a Dad, I’ve experienced a lot of fear that I wouldn’t be able to earn enough money for my kids to have decent clothes and good food.
At first, I was worried about just being able to provide the basics, because in the beginning, I was actually doing the opposite. Sinking into tons of debt.
I discovered that my biggest fear was losing my family. It was the fear that if I couldn’t provide, my wife and kids might abandon me.
I didn’t realize I had that fear at first until I dug down. And even beneath that, I feared death. I feared being on the street with kids.
I think underneath it all we all have the same fear in our subconscious even if we don’t realize it. And we have to face that fear in order to climb out of what’s holding us back. Because the fear wasn’t helping me find success, it was actually handicapping me.
So, after many conversations with my wife, I was able to shift my perspective. She committed to always staying with me even during the tough times. She encouraged me that as long as we’re together, it’s okay if we have to live in a tent.
That settled my fear of abandonment, but I still didn’t want that kind of barely surviving life for my wife and kids. They deserved more, but not at the expense of losing me because of me working constantly.
So what are you fearing most as a dad? As a provider for your family?
What keeps you from quitting your job and pursuing a more fulfilling and flexible career?
My purpose with this post is not to persuade you to quit without any prospects. There is a lot you can do on the side to get a freelance business going before you quit. Unless you have 6-12 months of expenses in savings, then I suggest you keep your job for now.
I’ve created many other resources that teach you the first steps you can do on the side to start transitioning. One resource is a podcast episode, #31. Another is called “Transitioning From Employee To Freelancer while providing for your family.” So check those out to get some tips on how to start the transition.
When it comes to your fears, getting prepared to transition into freelancing is the first step. But there’s also other things you can do to overcome your other fears.
It’s much easier to overcome the fears you have about changing your career to freelancing, if you are open and honest with your wife about all of it.
I know sometimes as dads and husbands we can feel shame when we aren’t providing the life we want for our wife and children. I know I felt it. I hated not having money to buy my wife the clothes she wanted. I hated that she had to use Christmas gift money to get the things she liked.
During those discussions with my wife, I discovered what my true fears were underneath it all and she was able to help me overcome them. Some of that was her reassurance that she wouldn’t leave me if I couldn’t provide as long as I was doing my best. If I just didn’t care and wasn’t trying then that would cause her to reconsider. But she knew I was always trying my best based on the skills I had.
The second thing for you to do is journal through all your fears. Get it all out on paper or a computer document.
I’ve always used computer documents because I can’t read my own handwriting and typing is so much faster to get the thoughts out. But by just getting it all out of my head, I was able to start understanding what blocks I had and what my fears were.
It helped me have more clarity to figure out what to do next, and typing it all out at 4am has become my go-to.
What you don’t want is to try to find clients for your new business out of desperation and fear. That makes it much more difficult.
You need a solid financial plan for your freelancing and that alone will bring a lot of peace.
It will take away a lot of the fear around you being able to provide. I go into that financial plan in my free eBook you can download on the main site page.
Overall, as a Dad providing for his family on one income, there is a lot of pressure.
But when you come together with your wife, set clear goals and priorities, and have a financial plan for your career transition that is realistic but still stretching, the fear goes away.
When you have a solid plan, that is done in wisdom and order, and that has the steps in the right order, the fear goes away.
But you do have to keep tweaking the plan until it’s in order, because often we put the steps out of order out of impatience, or we skip steps.
The best image I’ve seen to represent this is something my wife shared with me recently.
It’s an image of a person climbing a normal ladder steadily and deliberately. Next to that person, there’s another person climbing a ladder with rungs that are spaced very far apart.
The person on the second ladder didn’t work out all the steps in between that it actually took to get to their goal, so the guy on the first ladder with more steps is actually able to climb the ladder easily to achieve his goal.
The other guy is stuck and can only go so far because he can’t reach the next rung.
That’s how it is with building a freelance business and with any goal in life. Work out all the steps, know that there are always more than you think, be patient, and you’ll get to where you want to be.
So that’s it for today, journal out your fears, discuss them with your wife, make solid plans and you’ll be on your way. Talk to you soon.
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